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As I sat down at my
computer to share my story with you, I wondered how I should
start. I asked myself, “What idea will lay the foundation for
all I plan to share in the weeks and months to come?” “What is
the overriding principle behind how I overcame the challenges I
faced after divorce?”
I will condense my
thoughts in the answer that came to me: It’s a ‘mind game’.
Research has shown that it is possible to change one’s thought
processes. And, in my years of coaching, I learned that changing
your thought patterns can give you a whole new lease on life.
It’s simple; concentrate on the 6 inches between your ears! It’s
powerful stuff!
One common thought
pattern related to divorce is one that centers on Fear.
What will happen to
me? How will I ‘make it’ now that I am alone? What changes will
I be forced to make? How will I be able to pay all the bills?
How can I learn everything I need to know so I can make
decisions by myself? I can barely keep myself going; how can I
be a single parent? …………….and on and on and on.
One valuable technique I
learned about handling fear is that you need first to ‘hit the
Pause button’ – a technique that has served me
in lots of other areas of my life as well. Rather than allowing
things to get out of control, I learned to stop, sit down in a
comfortable chair, close my eyes, and do deep breathing. Then,
still breathing deeply, I would begin to relax each of my
muscles, one at a time - until I was completely relaxed. I found
that once my body was relaxed, my thought patterns were calmer
too, and I could focus on the best thing to do in the fearful
situation I was facing.
What helped me the most
was the determination not to let fear overwhelm me. Rather than
take the easy way out and simply avoid it (which only serves to
reinforce the fear), I taught myself to think of fear as a
motivator for learning ways to get my life under control.
Doctors Bruce Fisher and
Robert Alberti in their book, Rebuilding, teach that the
best way to overcome fears is by thinking your way through them.
They tell us, “The only way out is through.”
Finally, recognize that
it’s O.K. to be afraid. Everybody is sometimes!
Get
personal help in a Divorce Coaching Club. Click
HERE
to learn more.
Contact Judy at:
judy@judysmithdivorcecoach.com
About the author: Judy Smith,
personal coach and founder of The Center for Planned Change,
focuses her practice on helping women over 50 create a new life
after divorce.
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