This article is a collection of tips* taken
directly from published authors and other divorce experts. My
notion in choosing this format was to perhaps give you a broader
view of the thinking ‘out there’. Furthermore, reading the
advice of others might serve to reinforce some the ideas you
have read on this website before.
*[Note: To some extent, readers may find a few tips to be
strongly worded.]Get
Professional Help
“What you may find overwhelming is the fear of making mistakes
that are going to affect you forever. This is a scary thought.
This is why it is important that you surround yourself with
professionals whose expertise you trust and respect – and can
afford.”
From: The Smart Divorce by Deborah Moskovitch
Control Your Emotions
“Do not talk incessantly about your ex. You do need to talk to
someone to let out your anger and rage, but limit your circle of
listeners to a few good friends and family members. The clerk
at the supermarket doesn’t need to know just what a loathsome
jerk your ex-husband is!”
From: Seven Secrets of a Successful Divorce by
Christina Rowe
Keeping Your Priorities Straight
Even in the worst divorces, there has to be a time of healing
and acceptance. You should do all you can to maintain a civil
relationship with your ex. For a time you will feel all the
venom that rises in a fight, but once the fight is done, don’t
hang onto the bitterness.”
From: Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce, by
Christina Rowe
Choosing Anger
“Believe it or not, anger is a choice we make. There are
various reasons that some would hold onto this position and
refuse to let it go. For starters, many become addicted to
anger. Anger gives a false sense of power and strength. …Real
strength includes the ability to refuse the false rush anger
brings us, to have the power to see the entire situation for
what it really is and respond with clarity and compassion.”
From: The Anger Diet: 30 Days to Stress Free Living by
Brenda Shoshanna
Who’s Responsible for Loans?
“Even if a judge has stated that your spouse is completely
responsible to pay off specific outstanding loads or credit card
debt, for example, as far as the credit bureaus, creditors and
lenders are concerned, as long as both names are listed on the
account, both people are equally responsible for that debt. If
your spouse is late on a payment or an account goes into a
negative standing, it will impact your credit score and credit
history as long as the joint accounts remain intact.”
From: Entrepreneur Magazine’s Personal Finance Pocket Guides
by Jason Rich
Know Your Money
“Many times women have no idea what they have financially. You
want to make sure you’re aware of every investment. Read every
financial statement. If there’s anything you don’t understand
or something seems out of whack, then you need to really
investigate it.”
Source: Senior Investment Advisor, South Texas Money Management,
Ltd., Austin, Texas, Lisa Fox
Realistic Monthly Budget
“You may have already prepared a monthly budget for your lawyer
to review. Having a budget is a smart way to maintain control
of your finances as you move forward.”
From: The Smart Divorce by Deborah Moskovitch
Making Decisions
Analyze what it is you are worrying about. Get the facts;
analyze the facts; arrive at a decision – then ACT on that
decision. This is a very freeing motion that will advance you
forward. Isn’t that better than being stuck?
Source: Motivational speaker, Nancy Vogl
Rethinking Your Image
“It’s important for you to think of yourself not just as a newly
single woman or a mother, but as someone who is so much more. A
worker, a friend, a volunteer – there are so many roles that you
can play. You need to weave these other roles into your
definition of yourself.”
From: The Smart Divorce by Deborah Moskovitch
Creating a New Life
“Your job after a divorce is to create a better life than the
one you had before. Life is now a journey into the unknown.
This may seem overwhelming, but try to look at it positively,
because it can be very exciting.”
From: The Smart Divorce by Deborah Moskovitch
This Too Shall Pass
“Listen to your heart. Trust in the knowledge that you will
survive this devastating loss. You will survive and you will
thrive again.”
From: Seven Secrets of a Successful Divorce by
Christina Rowe
Get
personal help in a Divorce Coaching Club. Click
HERE
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Contact Judy at:
judy@judysmithdivorcecoach.com
About the author: Judy Smith,
personal coach and founder of The Center for Planned Change,
focuses her practice on helping women over 50 create a new life
after divorce.
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