|
In other articles, I’ve
talked about the three-step process required to thrive—not just
survive— after divorce:
Step 1:
Overcome emotional barriers.
Step 2: Decide what kind of life you
really want.
Step 3:
Take
action to get the life you want – the life you deserve.
For many people, Step 2: Decide what kind of life you really want is
virgin territory.
This focus is
particularly unfamiliar to those of us who grew up in an era
when (we thought) all we really wanted was to get married
and have a family. Isn’t that what all girls wanted back then??
A little later on, some
women got married and forged a new era – the era of women
marrying and staying in the work force until their first child
was born. Later still, women broke new ground again --they
married, raised a family and then returned to the work force.
Regardless of the era,
many women drifted into relationships and careers without really
thinking through what they wanted. Or sometimes they veered
off-course; some simply forgot their goals and vision. No
matter the chosen path, after a tumultuous divorce, many women
find it hard enough to cope with the demands of their existing
life, much less think about creating a new life.
To help people begin to
focus on what life they really want, I might start out by asking
a client, “If your life was just like you’d love it to be, what
would it look like? What would it feel like?” Those questions
often lead to other questions and assessments.
“What have been some memorable experiences in your life?
Why do you consider them memorable?”
When Annabel, a recently
divorced mother with one child, came to see me, she told me that
her life was out of control. She had always been “crazy busy,”
but as a single mother she now had to do everything on her own.
Like most of us,
Annabel’s to-do lists were crowded with more activities than she
could possibly accomplish. She needed help organizing her time
and managing her life. Annabel’s biggest obstacle to gaining
control was not having clear goals. Without them, Annabel had no
basis for making decisions about how to spend her time.
The process of defining
life goals was an eye-opener for Annabel. It was the first time
she focused on what she really wanted in life. We focused on
‘big picture” goals in each of the different areas of life:
home, family, spiritual, financial, health/well-being,
knowledge, friends, and romance. For example, Annabel’s goal for
family was, “I want my child to be well-adjusted.”
Once Annabel defined her
life goals, we could create a time map, blocking out chunks of
time for specific activities that were related to her goals. To
help her achieve her family goal, we started out by scheduling
daily one-on-one time with her daughter, as well as a monthly
mother-daughter outing.
We were able to discard
activities that just cluttered her life. With her time mapped,
Annabel felt more in control of her life. As Annabel continued
to make progress toward reaching her goals, she realized it was
not time she was learning to manage; she was really learning to
manage herself.
Regardless of your life
goals, a divorce coach can help you clarify your goals and
achieve them.
To find out about Judy’s unique coaching program, click on
LEARN MORE.
Contact Judy at:
judy@judysmithdivorcecoach.com
About the author: Judy Smith,
personal coach and founder of The Center for Planned Change,
focuses her practice on helping women over 50 create a new life
after divorce. |
