Cluttered Thinking After Divorce
Our minds are constantly active, always jumping from thought to
thought, emotion to emotion. This phenomenon is universally
true, but it is magnified for those of us stunned by divorce.
After divorce, we are bombarded by negative emotions and flooded
with disorderly thoughts that have limited clarity. We wish we
could find a way through this dense fog, so we might have some
freedom.Experience ‘Pure’
Silence
The truth of the matter is we cannot fight our way through that
barrier, any more than we can fight our way through a real fog.
If you want to see across the street on a foggy day, nothing you
can do physically from that vantage point will help. You can
only wait calmly for the fog to lift on its own. Eventually,
clear patches will emerge, and you can glimpse ‘what lies
ahead’.
The same is true of thought. If we are
really quiet, we encounter moments of pure silence. Author
Deepak Chopra calls these ‘thought gaps’. He says, “through
these gaps we can glimpse the deeper level within ourselves.
Each glimpse increases our understanding; gradually our
consciousness becomes expanded.” Eventually, we become
sufficiently empowered to literally ‘control what lies ahead’.
Stop Thinking!
Chopra continues, “the purpose of meditation is to stop thinking
for a time, so you can glimpse the spirit within.” Controlling
the flood of thoughts is very difficult for most people. When I
began to include meditation in my daily routine, I usually found
myself frustrated – yet another emotion to deal with, I thought.
I was annoyed that I couldn’t release my thoughts ‘gently’. But,
I really wanted to learn how to meditate, so I read lots of
books on the subject, and I finally learned how to do it
comfortably.
Meditation – like a gift
Now that I have learned to meditate, I do it twice-a-day. I find
that the 10-15 minutes of meditation calms me, when I start my
day and again when I bring each day to a close. Meditation
liberates me from the turmoil in my head. As a result, I
approach each day with greater strength, and end it with a
feeling of greater calm. In that sense, meditation is almost
like a gift.
How Does One Meditate?
I can help you learn to meditate. Let’s move forward in small
steps .
To begin, sit in a comfortable chair with
your feet flat on the ground. Find a comfortable position. Put
your hands in your lap with your palms facing upward.
- Close your eyes and concentrate on
your breathing. Pay attention to the intake and the outflow
of your breath, without trying to control it in any way.
[Since you are suddenly giving your full attention to your
breathing, you may find that it suddenly gets faster or
slower, deeper or shallower, etc. Observe the changes with
no resistance.]
- Whenever your attention drifts away
from your breath - to a sound in the environment, a thought
in your mind, or anything else, bring your awareness back to
your breathing.
- This is basic meditation. Engage in
this process for 10-15 minutes. I recommend conducting the
process twice-a-day.
- Practice basic meditation until you
feel comfortable simply sitting quietly and focusing on your
breathing. ……. For right now, that’s all there is to it.
- Relish the tranquility and the
freedom from agitating thoughts.
Adding the Mantra
In the article that follows, I guide you through the next
stage of meditation – the addition of the mantra.
Creating a Life of Plenty
Gurus say that, when the chatter of your thoughts is silenced by
meditation, you can glimpse parts of your ‘inner self’. They
teach: Knowing these parts of you enables you to create your
life experiences. The sages maintain that, by mastering your
inner dialogue, you can literally transform your current reality
to create a ‘life of plenty’.
I think the ancient ritual of meditation
and all its associated ‘theories’ are rich with possibility. I
find it fascinating. …….How about you?
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Contact Judy at:
judy@judysmithdivorcecoach.com
About the author: Judy Smith,
personal coach and founder of The Center for Planned Change,
focuses her practice on helping women over 50 create a new life
after divorce.
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