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This article is a collection of tips* taken
directly from published authors and other divorce experts. My
notion in choosing this format was to perhaps give you a broader
view of the thinking ‘out there’. Furthermore, reading the advice
of others might serve to reinforce some the ideas you have read on
this website before.
*[Note: To some extent, readers may find a few tips to be strongly
worded.]
Get Professional Help
"What you may find overwhelming is the fear of making mistakes
that are going to affect you forever. This is a scary thought.
This is why it is important that you surround yourself with
professionals whose expertise you trust and respect – and can
afford.”
From: The Smart Divorce by Deborah Moskovitch
Control Your Emotions
“Do not talk incessantly about your ex. You do need to talk to
someone to let out your anger and rage, but limit your circle of
listeners to a few good friends and family members. The clerk at
the supermarket doesn’t need to know just what a loathsome jerk
your ex-husband is!”
From: Seven Secrets of a Successful Divorce by Christina Rowe
Keeping Your Priorities Straight
Even in the worst divorces, there has to be a time of healing and
acceptance. You should do all you can to maintain a civil
relationship with your ex. For a time you will feel all the venom
that rises in a fight, but once the fight is done, don’t hang onto
the bitterness.”
From: Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce, by Christina Rowe
Choosing Anger
“Believe it or not, anger is a choice we make. There are various
reasons that some would hold onto this position and refuse to let
it go. For starters, many become addicted to anger. Anger gives a
false sense of power and strength. …Real strength includes the
ability to refuse the false rush anger brings us, to have the
power to see the entire situation for what it really is and
respond with clarity and compassion.”
From: The Anger Diet: 30 Days to Stress Free Living by Brenda
Shoshanna
Who’s Responsible for Loans?
“Even if a judge has stated that your spouse is completely
responsible to pay off specific outstanding loads or credit card
debt, for example, as far as the credit bureaus, creditors and
lenders are concerned, as long as both names are listed on the
account, both people are equally responsible for that debt. If
your spouse is late on a payment or an account goes into a
negative standing, it will impact your credit score and credit
history as long as the joint accounts remain intact.”
From: Entrepreneur Magazine’s Personal Finance Pocket Guides by
Jason Rich
Know Your Money
“Many times women have no idea what they have financially. You
want to make sure you’re aware of every investment. Read every
financial statement. If there’s anything you don’t understand or
something seems out of whack, then you need to really investigate
it.”
Source: Senior Investment Advisor, South Texas Money Management,
Ltd., Austin, Texas, Lisa Fox
Realistic Monthly Budget
“You may have already prepared a monthly budget for your lawyer to
review. Having a budget is a smart way to maintain control of your
finances as you move forward.”
From: The Smart Divorce by Deborah Moskovitch
Making Decisions
Analyze what it is you are worrying about. Get the facts; analyze
the facts; arrive at a decision – then ACT on that decision. This
is a very freeing motion that will advance you forward. Isn’t that
better than being stuck?
Source: Motivational speaker, Nancy Vogle
Rethinking Your Image
“It’s important for you to think of yourself not just as a newly
single woman or a mother, but as someone who is so much more. A
worker, a friend, a volunteer – there are so many roles that you
can play. You need to weave these other roles into your definition
of yourself.”
From: The Smart Divorce by Deborah Moskovitch
Creating a New Life
“Your job after a divorce is to create a better life than the one
you had before. Life is now a journey into the unknown. This may
seem overwhelming, but try to look at it positively, because it
can be very exciting.”
From: The Smart Divorce by Deborah Moskovitch
This Too Shall Pass
“Listen to your heart. Trust in the knowledge that you will
survive this devastating loss. You will survive and you will
thrive again.”
From: Seven Secrets of a Successful Divorce by Christina Rowe
About the author: Judy Smith, personal coach and founder of The
Center for Planned Change, focuses her practice on helping women
over 50 create a new life after divorce.
Contact Judy at: judy@judysmithdivorcecoach.com.
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